9 Years Later,,,

9 YEARS...

It's amazing how time flies when you are having fun!

What I got from MCpl. Mayhem

We've had an amazing journey together, two kids, a tour and a whole lot of craziness! There have been good times, bad times and amazing moments I will never forget!

What I made for him!

You know my secrets, my fears and my dreams. You've loved me at my best and my worst. One thing will always be sure: 

I love you

LexLin Help A Hero Win A Gypsy Horse Facebook Contest!!

I usually don't promote Facebook contests on my blog but a friend of mine asked and when I looked at the contest itself I had to share it with all of you!

LexLin Gypsy Ranch is run by Eric and Michelle Barton a Marine Family who's love for Gypsy Vanner horses became a business and now they are giving back with their 3rd Annual Help a Hero Win a Gypsy Horse Contest!!

So I don't ask for much but wouldn't it be great if a Canadian soldier won this amazing contest?! Well meet Ed Mertes!

Amazing story no?! Lets help Ed out! All you have to go is to go to the LexLin Facebook link and click on Ed's story. Contest ends at Midnight July 3rd! So go! And vote daily!!!

I'm Not Alright, Okay? Are You Satisfied?! I'm Not Alright

I'm in a funk.

I don't know why.

That's not true, I do know why. We all have those days where everything goes wrong and all you want to do is hide for the rest of the day? That's been me for the entire month of March.  Most people tend to jump back from it with a bubble bath or to be left alone for the next day. My days just keep piling one me like quicksand in a pool and I just can't seem to see the edge.

From Parent Council Mean Girls making me feel like I was back in high school and a big medical scare for MCpl. Mayhem (will explain in a future post because it's important that everyone hear about it), to disappointing my parents for not being able to make it to their place over Easter. It just never seems to end.

I've lost interest in everything in sight. I would rather sleep and stay away from anyone with an opinion. I hurt everywhere and can't seem to find the energy for simple things like making dinner or working out.

And having so many expecting me to put on my happy mask and parade like nothing is wrong has taken a toll. And nothing is wrong, really, if you think about it and look at it from your side of the fence. You see my life as a normal life, normal family. Take a walk over my side of the fence, the view is different over here. I see myself as a character in a black and white movie, confused by all the colour and life that surrounds me.

My depression is back.

Yes, I said it. I have depression. At first it was postpartum depression with both my kids, the first I was undiagnosed. I was told to suck it up and carry on, so much to the point that I went through classes with my husband's church and only snapped out of it when the discussion of preparing for my baptism. Something I didn't want to do, nor was I in the state of mind to be making such a decision. I made a missionary cry for heaven's sake! Wouldn't that have been your first clue?!

The second time my mom caught it and insisted I talk to the doctor about. At first I refused, let's just add another tick to the flaws that is Vanessa, shall we? But after a conversation with my doctor he told me that like the glasses I wear, the medication that he was prescribing me would only enhance my life. So I took it. The next day I told the doctor I was feeling much better and he knew I was lying, telling me that the effect of the drugs were gradual. Damn it!

So I stayed on my medications and six months later my doctor told me I was free to wean myself off of them! What a relief it was to get the "ok you are sane again". That was not to be made into a flippant remark, it's just true. There is a still a huge stigma behind behind mental health.

"You are just sad"
"Suck it up it could be worse"
"It's not that bad"
"Get over it!"

When MCpl. Mayhem was overseas, I spent time with a therapist who put me back on my meds a month into his tour. Too much had happened and a friend of my husband passed overseas and my emotions just took off! If she could have given me a sedative and a nanny I would have been forever grateful. I stayed on my meds and visited with the shrink for the entire time of my husband's tour and a couple of months after, when my doctor told me I was doing better and I could be weaned off the drugs again. With the therapist help I was able to work a program to keep myself going without the need of medication and it went well. For a while.

Here I am again just coping, going through the motions of life.

Just trying to get out of the quicksand. Give me time.

With Spring Comes The Trash Debate

Spring is in the air! The temperature is going up, the snow is melting and revealing the piles of garbage and dog poop that have been hiding during the winter months. Along with the spring months returning so does the same old debate over base clean up specifically the residential housing units. It never seems to end.

If someone were to tell you that your spouse had to go through the RHUs/ PMQs to pick up the trash what would you say?

This was suggested by a couple of people on a Facebook page, declaring if all the soldiers got a day off to clean up their housing units to make the base look more presentable. Or how about getting high schoolers to collect their community service time to do this.

I have a problem with this.

First of all, I don't think high schoolers should be picking up garbage on someone's lawn. If they wanted to do their community service hours cleaning up the parks and community areas, sure. But it doesn't solve anything in the housing areas. All it's doing it putting the problem on someone who doesn't live in that house and taking the responsibility away from the person who is paying to live there.
And second, the soldiers do get away from their job to clean up the base. They do it every year, but they clean up the community part of the base, not the RHUs.

And would it be possible to stop calling all the people who live in the RHUs lazy? There are so many of us that work really hard on the exterior of their units. I don't have a green thumb but I make sure that the garbage is picked up and it looks presentable. Yes, there are those who don't care, but lets not bundle the bunch.

Everyone has issues with garbage, most of the trash is from wind blowing it towards the houses, animals getting in it, kids with nothing better to do but kick cans and so on and so forth. This is nothing new and it doesn't just happen on this base, it happens everywhere!

A lot of the garbage is preventable. Here are some of my tips:

• Get a large garbage can with a lid- It won't prevent animals from getting into the cans but it's a start. A closed garbage can looks much better than one that has garbage overflowing it.
• Use the lid!- They won't go flying across the road if they are attached to the can... just saying!
• If animals get into your garbage pick it up- If your garbage was the only one that has been dug through, assume that all the garbage is yours and pick it up. If you share a lawn and the garbage went on your neighbours lawn pick it up. 
• It's not your neighbours responsibility to pick up your trash- Even if it's in their lawn, if your garbage goes into someone else's lawn, clean it up. There is nothing more frustrating to someone than having to pick up after someone who just leaves their mess behind. I don't mind cleaning someone else's trash if it gets blown into my yard. But if you jump over it and avoid it expect me to be pissed.
• Pick up your cans from the curb on garbage day- I've never been more shocked by how many garbage cans are left at the curb days after the garbage has been collected. No one wants to walk by your cans for days on end so put them away.
• PICK UP YOUR DOG POOP! I don't need to explain that do I?
• Set an example If you see it pick it up. If you set the trend I'm sure others will follow suit. I like to be a little competitive too. My new neighbour is amazing with plants and her side of the duplex looks perfect! So this spring I'm striving for the same excellence.

I don't know what the solution to this problem would be. Maybe if CFHA did like the American Military housing and implemented chits or use the industrial garbage bins for the row houses. I don't know. But I certainly think that each person who are living in the RHUs should be responsible for their own property. Like home owners are responsible for their places as well as apartment complexes. No matter where the garbage comes from. It's all about prevention, respect and courtesy towards others and the base as a whole. We should be proud of the bases we live on. They are some of the most amazing places I've been.

So that was my two cents on the topic. I just hope the arguments will soon dissolve like the snow.

The Liebster Award

A couple of weeks ago I got a comment from Sarah of Confessions of an Air Force Wife letting me know I was nominated for a Liebster Award! What a neat idea!

So to accept this award I have to answer 11 questions that Sarah came up with and then give 11 facts about myself.

Let's get started:

1. Who is your "Rock"?

My friend Sarah- former Medic for the Army and now a doula! 

She keeps me balanced!

2. Where is your favourite place to shop?

I live in a small town, so I shop online most of time.

And when I do I go to Old Navy

3. What is my favourite song?

Patience the originally sung by Take That but

I also like Nick Lachey's version

4. How did you meet your spouse?

We met in college. The first time I saw him he was wearing a Christmas hat with mistletoe on it. I laughed at the hat and kept walking. Two months later, a friend of mine and I wanted to go to a bar and she called her "designated drive friend" and when I opened the door, there he was! We were inseparable until he joined the military.

5. How many brothers & sisters do you have?

I have two sister- a twin sister and a younger sister.

6. What is your favourite TV show?

Army Wives

7. When you were choosing a wedding dress, what specific this you were looking for?

I was looking for comfort, fit and sparkle! I'm not a girly-girl and this was going to be the only sparkley dress I wore!

8. What was the best advice you received when getting married?

Don't storm out of the house mad. Go to another room to cool down.

9. Knowing what you know now, what is the one thing you would have done differently when you were longer?

Study harder and don't be afraid to take the job that scares you!

10. What is your dream job?

Radio job, paid to blog or entertainment reporter

What is your favourite brand of shampoo?

I don't have one, I have to change mine every couple of months due to the weather.

So whatever is working for me at the time!

11 Facts about me!

1. I was born in Brazil

2. I was adopted 

3. I proposed to my husband first (will never tell you the story!)

4. I'm addicted to shoes!

5. My favourite food is a Brazilian dish of Rice and Beans

6. I've dyed my hair every single colour of the rainbow

7. The shows "The Bachelor"and "The Bachelorette" make no sense to me!

8. I love taking photos!

9. My favourite animal is a frog

10. My favourite thing to do is sleep

11. I love music, music makes EVERYTHING better!

Here are my nominees for the Liebster Award!!!

Kim @ She is Fierce!

Krystel @ Army Wife 101

Michelle @ Well Adjusted Pessimist

Alex @ Munchkins and the Military 

Amanda @ TWISI The Way I See It Theatre Blog

Lori @ Air Force Wife Life 

Rebecca @ Fashion Flirt

Anic @Apartment 503

Staci @ The Crafty Military Wife

Jacqueline @ ACU's, Stiletto Shoes and Pretty Pink Tutus

Melissa @ New Girl On Post

Here are the rules 
1. Thank your Liebster Blog Award Presenter on your blog and link back to their blog
2. Answer the 11 questions from the nominator, list 11 random facts about yourself and create 11 questions for your nominees.
3. Present the Liebster Blog Award to 11 blogs of 200 followers or less who you feel deserve to be noticed and leave a comment on their blog to let them know they've been chosen.
4. Copy and Paste the blog award on your blog.

My Questions:

1. What was your first impression of your spouse?

2. What would be your theme song?

3. If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?

4. Who inspires you?

5. If you could have any pet in the world what would it be?

6. What is your favourite meal? If you can link it that would be awesome!

7. What is your signature style?

8. What is your guilty pleasure?

9. What is your favourite holiday?

10. If money wasn't a factor, what would your dream house look like?

11. What is your favourite quote?

Thanks again to Sarah at Confessions of an Air Force Wife!

How to Properly Participate on A Facebook Page Discussion Without the Drama

Ever been on a Facebook page where a post gets completely out of hand? Where someone asks something or is having a bad day and is looking for some validation only to have people take over the post with negativity, causing mass chaos. Seems now a days this way of speaking to each other is common. People hiding behind their computer screens who can fearlessly say whatever is on their minds with very little repercussions for their words.
I've seen this happen on many support groups, Facebook pages and every single one of them is the same. Well meaning until that bad apple comes along and spoil the bunch. I don't just point to the military spouses groups, I've seen it on almost every page!

photo credit unknown

Here are some of my tips to keep things civil:

• Don't hijack someone's post When the original poster asks a question, if you have an answer, post it. If you don't, move on. Nothing is more aggravating than having to sift through a post that do not answer the question the poster asks. Remember that if a poster is asking there may be more people who have wanted to ask the same question.
• Don't not bash people or name call We all know that debates are a great was to exchange thoughts and ideas, until someone comes along and starts bashing people for their point of view. First, everyone lives different lives, so life opinions are naturally going to be different. Bashing or name calling doesn't enhance a debate it just takes away from an intelligent conversation. If the discussion starts civil, end it that way.
• Don't write a post specifically pointing out a post gone bad I will never understand why so many people make new posts to point out the fact that there was a fight on a post, especially if the admin of a page have already deleted the post that was sparking fireworks. They deleted it for a reason there is no need to add fuel to the fire. 
• Be courteous in your interaction Remember this is the internet and everything can come back to haunt you. A good rule of thumb is to think, "is this something I would say in front of my kids? My mom?" and "how would I feel if someone replied to me with this"?
• Never be afraid to call the admins for help We go to these support groups for guidance, and an environment where we can ask questions with no judgements. So if you feel that a post has gotten completely out of hand, let the admins know about it. 
• Cap locks are not necessary Most people know that using all caps makes it look like you are yelling at someone. No need to use it, your point will get across if it's a good point, not a loud one.
• Do not threaten anyone "If I lived closed to you I would knock your head in", is not really a great way to end a conversation and can be perceived as bullying and depending on the law your threat could be used against you. Wether you meant it or not. 
• It's ok to walk away there is this amazing button now on Facebook pages called the "unfollow post" button. If the post has gotten out of hand and you keep getting notifications and you have the urge to feed into the people who are causing drama, just press the button and move on with your life.
• Use your manners If you ask a question and get an answer, thank the people who replied.

Did I miss anything? Let me know on the comments below if there is anything else someone can do to keep internet conversations civil! 

Later days! And thank you for reading!

New Q's for CFB Petawawa Sparks Outrage

Peter McKay announced last week that CFB Petawawa will begin construction this spring on 72 new housing unites that are aimed at providing homes for the incoming personnel and families of the Chinook helicopter squadron.

The article states that $33.4 million will be dropped on CFB Petawawa with 26 new units breaking ground this spring at a cost of $5.5 million to be completed this fall with the remaining houses to be built by late 2014. This is a great opportunity for CFB Petawawa, with the new squadron coming in the base, and they do need more housing for these new families.

Here's where the outrage lies.

The Canadian Forces Housing Agency (CFHA) has done little to help the families that are at CFB Petawawa when it comes to the houses that are standing right now. Yes, they have been doing their part by upgrading the siding and roof, even stripping some houses to the studs and revamping them. But those are few and far between from the conditions that some of the residents are dealing with right now.

Over the weekend sparks flew between a couple of Facebook pages where some families were outraged by what they were reading after getting the run around from CFHA for issues in the housing units hey are living in right now.

Keeping the names private.

I'll start with my Devil's Advocate point of view.

CFHA is run by civilians. CFHA is a part of the Department of National Defence (DND) and cannot earn a profit on the housing provided. All the rent money collected from occupants goes back into operation and maintenance of the housing portfolio. Many have asked why DND was footing the bill on these new units. Now you know why.

CFHA is working on updating the units with new furnaces, ventilation fans and roofs. As stated above all the rent money collected is going back into operating and maintaining the units. Money may not always be available to complete certain projects and they also contract out their plumbers and electricians to a base with over 1500 housing units already there in two townsites.

Some mention the cost of a single PMQ/ RHU is going to estimate to $460,000. but lets be realistic here, they are not going to put ALL that money in one unit. Yes, it will go there, in a sense, for the architecture,  paying for workers, breaking ground, sewage, electrical, paving and the possibility of putting in a new road depending on where these units are going.

And its true, there is a need for new housing once the squadron arrives in the fall, if you have ever been to Petawawa, the housing market is great but like anywhere else when there is a influx in population, it only makes sense to add more units. This will be great for the town! More people mean the possibility to more businesses and maybe there will finally add that new grocery store that the town had fought so hard over since being posted there.

Photo credit: A friend! You know who you are
This is one of the new RHU/PMQ on the Southside townsite

All positives don't you think?

Here's where the unhappy side comes through. Living in those units and hearing from so many people about the conditions that they are in, it's unfathomable to me to drop that much money on houses that are not going to be maintained properly.

Yes the housing units are very old! And like I said before some of the units have been remodelled but there are still many homes that are worse for wear. The unit we lived in had it's issues, like the banister falling off the wall and into the hands of my then 3 year old boy, water from the bathroom being collected into the light fixture in my kitchen below- only to have flaps installed in the side of the tub to "contain" the water (putting blame on the tenants) and all they did was punch a hole in the ceiling only to complete the repairs months after the fact and all they did was a patch up job.  Others have had sinks fall off the walls, mould, cold units due to lack of insulation and falling through stairs just to name a few. Hearing these stories would make you shake your head and wonder is this the best conditions we can put soldiers and their families in?

With the budget cut backs I question if this is really "worth it?". I mean if Peter McKay was that interested in adding new units after being on the base,  and I know he's fully aware of the conditions some are in after participating in the Ombudsman meeting back in November, I would wonder if putting all that money into houses that were not going to be well maintained considered an investment?

Others have also said "You get what you pay for" and "You don't have to live in the units", when in fact many families have no other options and CFHA knows it. The housing market is always on the rise when postings season is concern, and with the new residential houses being built outside of base, mortgage rates and cost of houses continue to go up. There are not many places to rent either so if you can't own your own home, for whatever personal reasons, you only option is to go to CFHA.

So once again a conundrum, fix the unit that are already there and maintain them to standards that are livable or pay to put more houses down for their inevitable decline?