And He's Gone...

I haven't been around much as you might have noticed but now he's gone. Cpl. Mayhem is now deployed overseas.

A year of trainings, time lost and temper tantrums from all involved and he is there.

Hard because I keep hearing what I'm supposed to feel like and how I should be acting and having to answer everyone questions, including the ones I hate having to answer.

"How are you coping dear?"
"Are you doing ok?"
"Do you need anything?"

Strangely enough there are only a handful of people (who aren't army)  I'm able to answer those questions without giving them a disingenuous answer. Also a limited few who I ask for help or take their advice, although the limited few know me better than to just hand out unsolicited advice.

He hasn't been gone long and I feel that the more people ask, it's not really meant to comfort me. It's the questions are being asked mainly because they have nothing else to say to me.

I am upset at some of the people who are reaching out though. If you haven't spoken to me since before I married Cpl. Mayhem, why are you reaching out now? And no, being separated from you significant other for a week while they are away doesn't classify you to "understand" what I'm going through.

Oh, did I mention before I sort my feelings out I tend to be rather bitchy?

I'm just bothered by it. I can't help it.

I know there was a list of things you don't say to a military wife while their husband is deployed and they all apply!

I was just lucky enough to get all the laundry and dishes done before he left so I'm prepared for my calm before the storm. This is the week where Ducky tests the waters when dad leaves. Chicky is just plain confused. How do you explain to a two year old that daddy is overseas? I keep telling her that dad's a work and it works, but it's hard to keep answering the same questions over and over again.

I'm grateful for Auntie Mayhem's visit that weekend because Cpl. Mayhem and I were able to spend some time alone. Because my kids are so young she stayed with them so I could see him off.  I was also grateful that my friend D was there too (her husband deployed with mine) because I'm sure I wouldn't be able to stand there alone when he got on the bus.

I forced myself not to show my "ugly" cry until I was in the car, and I started to sob.... Only to look up and see people S L O W L Y looking into my car as they went to their own.  I yelled, "Keep moving people!". Did I mention I was kinda bitchy right?

So my fellow blogging community more specifically the military wives: What was the number one thing that saved your ass while your husband was overseas? What was your secret? Let me know, I'm gonna need all the help I can get!

Best photo of us! Great minds think alike!

Later days!

MOMVERSATION MONDAY!!!: Do You Regret The Name You Gave Your Kid?

Momversation Monday!!

And this one got me thinking.
Author of the New York Times blog The Motherload, Lisa Belkin asks how did you pick your child's name? Do you ever regret the name you gave them? And would you go so far to change them?

Well, since I don't mention my kids real names on my blog, I will try my best get through this Momversation.

With Ducky's name we thought long and hard about a name for him. After a while of throwing names left and right. We sat down to watch a TV show and we had a name but wanted to cut it down so there was no way they could give him a nickname, it worked well with his middle name (which happens to be my husband's middle name) and it was strong.

My little Chicky however, was tougher.

Cpl. Mayhem got to pick the girly's name because I chose Ducky's name. He decided on a name that I was not too impressed with in the beginning. Plus it didn't help when my mother-in-law brought up the fact that kids could make fun of her using her name and that was when I fought tooth and nail for something else.
But once Chicky was born. The name just suited her! And we have out own nickname for her, plus my hubby was great with compromising and making her middle name in memory of my cousin who died of Leukemia.

Do I regret the names? Not in a million years. Their names suit them and they are strong names.
I could never change their names. Their names add to their character and make them as individual as they are.

Do you regret the name you gave your child?

Spending Time With Cpl. Mayhem

If you haven't seen a lot of me over the web that's because I've been spending an extraordinary amount of time with Cpl. Mayhem before he is deployed.

Once the chaos settles I'll be back with GREAT giveaways and fun stories.

So I'm going to turn to you for the next post.

ASK ME ANYTHING!! 

The question and answer period of 

A Military Wife Mayhem has begun!

Ask anything you want, you have until Saturday!

MOMVERSATION MONDAY!!!: How Do You Discipline Your Child?

Good Monday!!

Hope Everyone had an amazing weekend!!

Another Momversation episode is here! Karen Walrond of Chookooloonks asks how do you discipline your child?

I'm a big number counter! I follow the 1-2-3 Magic program that was developed by Dr. Thomas Phelan.

He basically talks about how us as parents talk to our children like they are little adults and we go through a long winded phase of explaining things to two year old like they would understand us. His theory is to keep talking to a minimum and to cut negative behaviour right away.

When Ducky does something I don't like I say "That's 1", if he continues the behaviour I say "That's 2", he continues with the behaviour once again "That's three, take 5" and he goes to his room.

Times outs are becoming a problem now so instead of sending him to his room, I give him a choice. When he is told to go take 5 and he doesn't I say "You can either go to your room for 5 minutes or lose something of value to him, computer time or a special toy.

If he is physical with myself or someone else it's an automatic 3 take 5 plus another 5 for hitting.
It's very interesting and I'm only writing part of the program down. Check your local library for a copy of the program.

Most of the time I only get to one and he stops. I'm still working on the when he gets to three, but most of the time 1 does it.

I haven't done much discipline with my daughter yet because I find that she is too young to understand but she is slowly starting to get the number counting.

When I've been desperate enough, especially when we are out in public, the number counting works but bribery is another arsenal I will use. I'm not ashamed of it but I'd rather not go anywhere with the kids when I need to do something and it's no fun for them, that's just setting me up for a heart attack!

Another good one is "Toy Jail". When the kids are fighting about a particular toy or the toy is not being used as it's supposed to I put it up high in a bin and tell them the toy is in jail for the day. When Cpl. Mayhem leaves for tour. I plan on going through the rules again for when he is gone and I plan on decorating the "Toy Jail" to look like it has bars on in! Hopefully no mishaps will happen when Cpl. Mayhem is gone but that's 6 month I don't see them lasting the first day! LOL!

That's what works at the Mayhem household!
Tell me what works at your house, maybe there is a good one I haven't learned yet!

Later days!

Boon Frog Pod Bath Toy Storage Unit Winner!!

Congrats to....

The Full Nelson!!!

She was chosen using Random.org!

True Random Number GeneratorMin: Max: Result:2

Powered by RANDOM.ORG

The Full Nelson said...

I love the starfish~

Send me an email with your address and I'll have the people of CSN send you your prize!! Congrats again!!

Army Wives: Yes, I'm A Little Behind!

But in my defence the only station playing it was Lifetime Network, which is not available in Canada.

So when it finally played on a station I can watch AND it started right on Season 1. I was on that sofa, computer off, a drink in my hand and spent an hour watching a great show!

When the show was over, I gushed about how great the show was and Cpl. Mayhem said it was just like any other show. But it's not!

At least not for me!

It's funny, charming and close to living on base reality that I can see. I'm a Military wife! I don't get Desperate Housewives. I don't know what it's like to be rich and have crazy people stalking me and secret neighbourhood drama.

But one thing I noticed, while I watching the show I was ticking off stereotypes that have become well known in the military community.

Let's see, I think they covered all the stereotypes:

The outcast wives who do everything wrong. "The Anti-Christ" as they were named on the show. Saluting a Major? The outfits? Sounds like something I would do.

The wives who spend all their time gossiping. Yes that is a BIG stereotype!

The wives who spend their time trying to get their husbands further in their careers. I haven't seen that stereotype yet but I just don't get that one. I'm proud of my husband and where he is in his career but I don't get his job nor do I want to spend my time trying to further his career. I didn't earn his rank he did.  I'm going to stop there.

What other stereotypes did they portray in the hour I saw? Oh right, the infamous "open door policy" wives as I like to call them. Another stereotype I have yet to meet but have heard a lot about. You know what I mean, the wife who gets lonely while the spouse is away and as they put it on the show "the battery buddy can only do so much".  I don't get them either, but it's a stereotype I hate because it's the one that EVERYONE remembers and assumes that EVERYONE does it!

Lets go back to my previous post about this and how I was scared to death to take the Tide Boxes out in fear of having someone show up at my door. Don't get it? Go to my last post!

Anyways, I'm ADDICTED! I can't get enough and I can't wait for next Sunday!

This one hour me time is exactly what I needed to distract me from Cpl. Mayhem leaving soon.

Later days!

Alone Is Not Such A Bad Thing!

What do you think of the word alone?

I'm sure you are thinking alone as a negative thing. I know I have!
Sometimes life is lonely. Being a new mom can be the most lonely thing in the world. Especially when you live the military lifestyle.

I was first daughter in my family to have children, I was also the first in my group of friends too. Motherhood was the most loneliest thing I have ever had to go through. Cpl. Mayhem was in basic training so it was just Ducky and me.

And once we moved to our base I was definitely alone. No family or friends is hard! I just thank the blogging world and the mom networks for keeping me sane.

But I made being alone into a stigma! Why can't being alone be a positive experience?  And believe me with Cpl. Mayhem being moments away from deployment I want to take away the idea of being alone from being a negative thing to a positive experience.

So this week I did somethings that I never would have thought of doing.

I went to the movies alone. Yes, I bet a bunch of you are thinking, no way in Hell would I do it! And believe me I did too! And I missed many movies I wanted to see because I waited to go with someone.

"Ticket for one please", what a weird thing to say. Am I going to go through with this?
I sat down in my seat and felt the questioning looks. Is she here alone? Was she stood up? It felt wrong to be there alone. However...

It was nice! No one talked to me, I ate my popcorn without someone trying to take it. I could get up and go without having to explain to anyone where I was going. It was great!

Next I went after dance class for a cup of coffee at the local coffee shop. No book, no iPod, just me and my Cafe Mocha.

I did have plans to go out to breakfast with some girlfriends of mine and when it got cancelled, I thought why not go alone? Unfortunately I ran out of time but I plan on doing that one day while Cpl. Mayhem is away. Why not?

I need time to myself. What mom doesn't want a second to themselves where it doesn't involved hiding in a closet to talk on the phone OR locking the bathroom only to have little fingers poking under the door to get your attention. We as mothers need a moment to relax and unload from the day. And while hubby is on tour I still want to go out and see a flick and if my friends aren't able to go, I shouldn't feel like it's a bad thing to go.

What do you think? Would you do something alone that you usually do with a group?
Tell me what you thought of it!

WIN A BOON FROG POD BATH TOY STORAGE UNIT!!! 3 DAYS LEFT!

Go to this POST to enter!

MOMVERSATION MONDAY!!!: Parenting Advice: From Your Friends or Parents?

Good Monday everyone!!

I want to first congratulate Momversation on it's 200th episode! Thank you for making fun, informative and  addictive episodes that keep this momma sane!

So on with the show!!!

Giyen Kim of Bacon is my Enemy asks in this episode where do you get your parenting advice from? Do you go to your parents or your friends?

When Ducky was born the first person I looked to for advice was my mom and dad. Why? MANY reasons!

First my parents raised me and twin sister with little to no knowledge of babies. Then they had my younger sister. After a while my mom became a social worker taking care of a multitude of children who walked in and out of our house when we were living in Brazil. If someone had the knowledge I needed to get Ducky to sleep or stop crying or sooth him from croup or fever, she is the one I go to!

Second, if I'm looking for someone to calm me down from a traumatic experience like terrible twos or just a bad, I get my advice from my dad, because when my head is spinning, my dad can calm me down and he helps me to think rationally. Then we go back to mom with some more advice.

I usually go to my parents for advice because, after having left my parents perfect insomniacs for over 6 months and drove them to hang off the ceiling fans and I still live to write this blog, they have the advice!

Now that I've been living on this base for a while and have made incredible friends, when I'm need some advice that my parents might not have I can also go to them.

I don't see why I have to choose, I just love the fact that I have so many people who can give me advice!
All I have to do is ask!

Who do you get your advice from?

Ducky Is Too Smart For His Own Good! Pt.2

In a previous post I mentioned that Ducky was too smart for his own good.

Well today we were having a particularly rowdy day and getting Ducky and Chicky ready for bed was just trying.
So finally after 20 minutes of telling Ducky to stop jumping on my bed, go brush his teeth and get his PJs on, I turn to my extra excited little boy and say, "Ducky I'm tired of you not listening, go to you room and come out with something that resembles Cars, or super heros and get ready for bed!"

5 minutes later Ducky comes out with a smirk!

"What are you wearing?"

"What? It's my Wolverine costume!"

"I meant your Superman PJs!"

SMARTY!

CSN Contest!! Chance to win A Boon Frog Pod Bath Toy Storage Unit!!

So if you have read my previous post from CSN.

And I have great news!! CSN has provided for you the readers of A Military Wife's Mayhem an amazing prize!

But first a backstory!

Today Ducky and Chicky decided to decorate more than paper today:

So what do you do when your kids decided to miss the paper all together?

BATH TIME!!!

And once the kids got out of the bath the crappy task of getting all of their bath toys drained and put away was the last thing on mind my mind. Ducky tried to help and dumped all the toys on the ground, water and all.

So here it is! CSN is giving away a Boon Frog Pod Bath Toy Storage. Toys in photo not included!

What is so great about this product is that all you have to do is scoop out the bath toys and the water runs out of the frog for clean dry storage. Plus it has a mini shelf, perfect to keep the kids bath products out of reach. So cute and so fun!!

So here is what you are going to do to win this awesome prize!

First you are going to go back to my first post about CSN. 

Your mandatory entry: Tell me which one of the tree pieces of art work you would choose, and comment back here. 

for additional entries:

Twitter about the contest and comment that you did. You will receive two entries for this one so write two comments!

One entry for becoming a follower of my blog. Leave one comment.

One entry for becoming a follower of A Military Wife's Mayhem Facebook page. Leave a comment.

One entry for becoming a follower of A Military Wife's Mayhem Network Blog. Leave a comment.

Anyone can enter! Contest ends April 18th!!

Good Luck!

New Blog Award!!!

I want to thank Kaemommynavywife for this award! I'm honoured to receive it!

Here are the rules:
First thank the person who sent it you. CHECK!
Second lis 7 things about me.

OK here we go!

1. I'm a twin.
2. I was born in Brazil
3. I graduated with diplomas in Broadcast Journalism and Radio Announcing
4. I love to bake!
5. I love Grey's Anatomy!
6. I'm a cranky bitch if I don't get sleep
7. My world consists of my two beautiful children, my military hubby, my family and dearest friends. Nothing can change that!

I will now pass this award to:

Aubrey from Diary of an Army Wife
Krystel of Army Wife 101
Supermom Michelle of The Adventures of Supermom 
and
Miss Jody of Miss Fancy Pants!

Thanks again!

Spring Cleaning!

Cpl. Mayhem and I watched as our neighbours spend last weekend and the weekend before cleaning their lawns and getting ready for Spring. My husband kept saying, "just wait, it's going to snow again".

And sure enough it did!

So this weekend we got started on the Spring Cleaning! Starting with the outside!

We pulled out the BBQ!

We raked the leaves and got rid of some debris from the winter storms,

Ducky was really helpful with a rake.

While Chicky was amazing at supervising!

As she gave instructions for Cpl. Mayhem to pull the weeds from the garden,

Just long enough to get distracted and look at bugs.

Once we were done, it was off to the park with Nanny and Grampy.

Yes, I believe it was a good day!

Later Days!

Wordless Wednesday~ Capturing the Seasons of 2010

Ducky Is Too Smart For His Own Good!

About a week ago, Ducky and Chicky were playing upstairs while I was making dinner and they were making a lot of noise.

Toys were being tossed everywhere, they were screaming and jumping on the bed. Just pure chaos! I was getting a headache.

So from the bottom of the stairs I holler for both of them to keep the noise down, and I'm sure they didn't hear me. So I run up the stairs and stand in the hallway looking at both my kids, "If this noise doesn't stop right now, I'm putting both of you in your rooms!".

Ducky looked at me with frustration.

"But Mom, we ARE in our rooms!"

Smarty!

MOMVERSATION MONDAY!!: Teacher, Teacher! We Have a Problem!

Frist of all Happy Easter everyone! I hope the weekend was a great one!!

On to today's Momversation, Alice Bradley of Finslippy wants to know what do you do when your child's teacher presents a problem? Have you had issues with your child's teacher? And how did you handle them.

Well I posted about the problems with Ducky's teacher a while ago. I'll give you a recap, she  got frustrated with my son in front of me and a bunch of other moms, then snapped at me when I came to his defense. I was personally humiliated and felt I couldn't go to her because I wasn't looking for a second round of humiliation. So I went to the principal about it.

However, now I need to express how grateful I am about having Ducky's teacher in my life and my son's education. This is what I've learned after I wrote my first post:

Ducky's teacher had been teaching for many years and was originally a 3rd grade teacher, so she herself had to adjust to being a kindergarden teacher. She is also different in her disciplining as I am, I'm can be wishy-washy about it sometimes and she is a no funny business kind of teacher. So she has taught me to become more firm in my discipline at home and suggested a 1-2-3 Magic seminar that was coming up.

We've dealt with bullies and homework and we are in sync with each other!

I think teachers get a lot of crap from parents especially when they themselves (the parents) don't put the effort to become proactive in the child's education. I ask the teacher one a week how he is doing and what he needs improvement on to keep myself involved.

I don't have a problem asking or voicing my opinion with my son's teacher. Because we can't solve something by not bringing up the problem.

I commend teachers in what they have to do, believe me, there would be NO WAY I could do half of what they do on a daily basis!

How would you handle a situation with your child's teacher?

Later Days!!

Happy Easter!!!

HAPPY EASTER!!!

From the Mayhem Family!!

Day 4 INSANITY- Cardio Recovery My Backside!

Where was the recovery in Cardio Recovery??

I figured I'd do the workout in the evening after cleaning during the day and Shaun, you suck man!!

I was expecting a recovery, which it was, a break from the cardio. But you still have to work!

You are doing some mad yoga poses, squats and lunges and stretching and when you haven't stretched except to get out of bed, you feel parts of your body that you forgot existed!

The only thing I'm grateful for from the workout is the fact that it stretched out some of the kinks from the past three days!

So off to bed to get a good night sleep for tomorrow. Pure Cardio is tomorrow and I'm scared.
Ducky asked me if he could join me tomorrow and I said yes, not because I really want him to be there cause he would just get in the way but if I pass out he can call my hubby! LOL!

If you look at the banner in the back of the photo, they are not kidding when they say "Get Fit or Get Out"!
I haven't given up yet Shaun! Work your energy and I'll work my magic!
Later Days!

KIWI Military Kit Giveaway winner is...

 Congrats to Heather of

 Marine Corps Nomads!!!

True Random Number GeneratorMin: Max: Result:11

 Heather @ Marine Corps Nomads said...

I'm already a fan on networked blogs. :)

Shoot me an email with your address and the good people at KIWI will send you your kit!

Congrats again and enjoy!