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Like most first-time moms, when I found out I was pregnant I did all the “right” things. To ensure a healthy pregnancy, I followed a nutritious, healthy diet and attended all of my prenatal doctor appointments. I read book after book to prepare myself for motherhood’s challenges. When my daughter was born, I was over the moon with joy and confidence that I was ready to be her mother.
In the midst of my happiness at being a new mother, when Lily was three months old, life threw something at me for which nothing could have prepared me. I was diagnosed with pleural mesothelioma, cancer of the lining of the lung. I was utterly unprepared. No books could teach me how to be a mother with cancer. Terrified, without a clue about how to be both a patient and a mother, I decided that all I could do was rely on my instincts and my family.
Because the first phase of my treatment, surgery, would take place in a city 1200 miles from home, I needed someone to take care of Lily. I turned to my parents, with whom Lily lived until I was able to return home. After surgery and returning home, I still faced months of chemotherapy and radiation treatments. Unable to care for Lily myself, I surrounded myself with supportive people who could help me take care of her. My husband was amazing, supporting and caring for me while doing everything for Lily that I could not.
During treatment, I tried to keep life as normal as possible for Lily. When I felt well enough, Lily and I would go outside to play in the yard or at the park. Sometimes I would arrange play dates on those good days, or the two of us would walk around the mall. We spent most of that first year, however, just spending time together at home. As I struggled through the treatments, I wanted to make sure that Lily knew that she was all that mattered to me. I wanted her to know that no matter what, I loved her and she was the most important person in my life. Lily was also my inspiration. I looked into her eyes and found the will and desire to conquer cancer and live.
Lily’s first year of life was difficult. Like any mother, I wanted to do everything for my child. She was my first priority. At the same time, I was a cancer patient. To get better, I had to make my own needs a priority. Balancing Lily’s needs with my own was not easy. With my husband’s support and help, I did the best I could. Lily, for her part, didn’t know life in any other way. Life with a mom who had cancer was all Lily knew.
Lily is now a bright, happy first grader. For the past six years we’ve parented her in the same way we did that first year. My husband and I work together, each of us picking up where the other left off. We’ve always talked openly with Lily about my cancer because it’s as much a part of her history as it is ours. I look back on Lily’s first year with emotion, but with no regrets. Everything we went through during that time helped shape who she is today. Our year with cancer, like anything else, brought not only the bad, but also the good. These days, I choose to focus on the gifts of Lily’s first year.
In the midst of my happiness at being a new mother, when Lily was three months old, life threw something at me for which nothing could have prepared me. I was diagnosed with pleural mesothelioma, cancer of the lining of the lung. I was utterly unprepared. No books could teach me how to be a mother with cancer. Terrified, without a clue about how to be both a patient and a mother, I decided that all I could do was rely on my instincts and my family.
Because the first phase of my treatment, surgery, would take place in a city 1200 miles from home, I needed someone to take care of Lily. I turned to my parents, with whom Lily lived until I was able to return home. After surgery and returning home, I still faced months of chemotherapy and radiation treatments. Unable to care for Lily myself, I surrounded myself with supportive people who could help me take care of her. My husband was amazing, supporting and caring for me while doing everything for Lily that I could not.
During treatment, I tried to keep life as normal as possible for Lily. When I felt well enough, Lily and I would go outside to play in the yard or at the park. Sometimes I would arrange play dates on those good days, or the two of us would walk around the mall. We spent most of that first year, however, just spending time together at home. As I struggled through the treatments, I wanted to make sure that Lily knew that she was all that mattered to me. I wanted her to know that no matter what, I loved her and she was the most important person in my life. Lily was also my inspiration. I looked into her eyes and found the will and desire to conquer cancer and live.
Lily’s first year of life was difficult. Like any mother, I wanted to do everything for my child. She was my first priority. At the same time, I was a cancer patient. To get better, I had to make my own needs a priority. Balancing Lily’s needs with my own was not easy. With my husband’s support and help, I did the best I could. Lily, for her part, didn’t know life in any other way. Life with a mom who had cancer was all Lily knew.
Lily is now a bright, happy first grader. For the past six years we’ve parented her in the same way we did that first year. My husband and I work together, each of us picking up where the other left off. We’ve always talked openly with Lily about my cancer because it’s as much a part of her history as it is ours. I look back on Lily’s first year with emotion, but with no regrets. Everything we went through during that time helped shape who she is today. Our year with cancer, like anything else, brought not only the bad, but also the good. These days, I choose to focus on the gifts of Lily’s first year.
Heather Von St. James is a guest blogger for the Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance.
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